The ER is le scary.

I'm sure you're all wondering where I've been. Just kidding, I'm sure you don't care.

Well, I'm telling you anyway.

So, as you may know, I've been sick constantly over the last two months. It's one thing after another. I can't seem to win. Well, a week and a half ago I got a weird bump on my finger. The next day it grew to several painful bumps. I went to the doctor. He said it was a bite and it would go away. Yeah, it didn't... it got effing huge. It became about the size of a quarter and covers the middle of my middle finger on my left hand, making it hard to bend that finger... causing me to accidentally (well, in most cases anyway) flip people off. Oh fun. It's incredibly painful.

Soooo... I went to the doctor again. He was like, "Oh yuck." I was like, "Um, yeah." It had lots of puss filled blisters and it was all red and purple and gross and bleh. I have to wear a glove on my hand at work because band-aids are against health code. I get lots of weird looks from people and my new nick name is Michael Jackson. Yay.

Yeahhhh so I started taking some meds for it and putting this cream stuff on it and it started getting better.

However... yesterday my elbows itched. I asked Mark if he could see anything on my elbows (because, I can't see them unless I have a mirror. Sadly, I can't lick them either). He said yes. I was like, "wtf". After he went home, I showed my mom. We started looking up what it could possibly be. Somewhere I read that it was only bad if it was also showing up on my hands and feet. I was like, "Psh. Well, then I'm fine." I looked at my hands. I was not fine. They are covered in red, painful bumps. My feet, too. My mom freaked out and decided she was going to take me to the Emergency Room. Then I panicked. I've never been.

By the way, it was about midnight by this time. I was dead tired and already upset about the huge disgusting thing on my finger. Soooo we drove two towns over to Mountain View Hospital. The reception lady asked me dumb questions and then some guy assessed me. He rubbed some device on my forehead and it took my temperature. I was mildly amused at this, but I was still freaked out.

Then he took me back to the ER and had me sit on a bed. I had my own curtain room thing. It was special. The doctor that saw to me had an earring. He was awesome. I was still panicky, though. Across the way I saw a little boy and his mom. He was crying, and she was trying to get him to take some medicine. I felt bad for the little boy. A nurse brought him a Popsicle. I was immediately jealous. I wanted one.

The doctor looked me over, poked the bumps, asked me questions, and then went to look it up. My mom and I sat for a bit, wondering what it was. I was freaking out. I wanted to tell Mark that I was at the hospital, but I didn't want to worry him. He was already in bed, and he really needed the rest. My mom told me not to tell him. It upset me.

The doctor came back and listed off a few things that it could be. Then a nurse came and took a blood sample. I almost lost it when she shoved the needle in my arm. I've only had one other instance where this has occurred and it was years ago. I almost started crying. She left a little plastic thingy sticking out of my arm in case the would need to give me an IV.

We had to wait an hour for the results. They took me and my mom to a private room with a TV. The nurse gave me a warmed blanket and a pillow and handed me a remote. Well, let me tell you, there is nothing on at one thirty in the morning. It sucked. I was already panicking about the thing in my arm and the possibility of a bad infection.

An hour later they came back and said everything was fine and that the rash should go away in a week or two. They also said that I should stop taking the meds for my finger, because it was part of what was causing the rash. I was relieved. They took thing stupid thing out of my arm and sent us home. I got home at three in the morning. I was tired, upset, and anxious. My hands, feet, and elbows hurt. I wanted to call Mark. I wanted it all to be better.

I ended up taking something to help me sleep and was out until eleven this morning.

My rash is worse.

I am worried.


So yeah, that's my story. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see what the hell is up. I can't tell you how freaking annoyed I am at being sick. Not to mention all the shiz that's been happening in my life. I'm sick of college, I'm sick of people being jerks to me, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark freaked out when I told him about the hospital visit. He panicked, actually. I had to convince him I was okay. I love him lots, and I'm glad he's concerned about me, but I hate for him to be so stressed. I feel guilty about being sick, even though I can't do anything about it. This sucks majorly.

BTW, I'm getting married March 20th. Yes. I know for a fact that everything is going to work out for me and Mark. I'm so excited for my life.


That's my rant for the week. I hope you all enjoyed it.

Adventure time.

Yes, that's right! Adventure time for me! Oh, but where am I going? Whyyyy am I going? Howwww am I getting there?

I'm going to... *drumroll...* IDAHO. One of the most boring states EVER! And I'm EXCITED to go! Know why? Because I'm depressed and need to escape from school and work and stress and IDIOTS. Heck yes! Thaaaat's right. I'm going to Idaho for two days with Mark and his family. Holy crap. This couldn't have come at a better time. Anywhere besides Utah is alright with me for SERIOUS. It's only a few miles over the border, but still! Idaho! Not Utah. Nobody can force me to go to work! Nobody can nag me about shifts! Nobody can push me about homework! Nobody can drive like an a**hole around me because I'll be on my own adventure! Me not driving! Me not caring! Me spending the weekend with Mark!!!!!!

I love Mark.

I didn't get to see him all day today.

I don't know why I'm so depressed lately. There are things that have added to it... like Alexis' brother dying. That upset me a lot. Ugh. Poor Lexo. I wish I was in Texas so that I could give her a big hug.

*le sigh*

Make Me Smile

Brittany asked me why I don't update my blog. I have no answer. Yes I do. I'm lazy. Ha ha.

Okay. An update. <3 Sooooo I went to Vegas with Jade, Kimi, and my mom. It was AWESOME. We saw Cirque du Soleil! The Beatles! LOVE! Omgee it was fantastic! I want to see it again! Oh snap. Uh... hmm. What else has been happening. Well, my aunt Tracy has breast cancer. I don't know how to feel about it. I guess I still don't believe that she does. I haven't seen her since my brother got married over two years ago. I don't know what it's like over in Texas. This whole ordeal has been making my mom act odd. She's upset all the time, and I don't blame her. But... I just can't put up with that. It's making her act odd. She keeps being critical of me and then having issues with her friends and all this junk. It's driving me up a wall. She's basically my problem right now. I love my mom to bits, I really do. That's why I can't really complain. I understand where she's coming from and what's going on. I just can't deal with it. I have a lot going on and a lot of things are changing in my life. So, in order to not freak out at my mom, I spend a lot of time away from home. Thursday I started school at UVU. I was so nervous. I was right to be. I went to school at eight. Walking through the halls was scary! There are so many people there. Augh. I felt so self conscious. I wanted to run away. At least I had Brittany to text. She kept me sane. I found my class and went in and sat down. Once class got started I was alright. It's a familiar element to me, especially when the teacher/professor/instructor/whatever makes everybody laugh. I loved that. Sadly, once I left class, I was back in to awkwardness. I ran to my next class and sat down, hoping my next teacher/professor/instructor/whatever would be nice and funny as well. Yup, he was. I was alright once again. Then, class ended and I had an hour to kill. I also had no food, and was too self conscious to buy anything. I ended up going outside and calling Mark 'cause I was a little freaked out. We talked the entire time. I missed him a ton. Blah. After that I had a math class. Scary scary class. My teacher person is a little scary. After that class, I had a head ache. It was probably from being hungry. I then had to trek across three parking lots and two roads to the Education Building. That class was awesome. My teacher is awesome. This lady that sat by me is awesome. It's all just awesome. When it was time to leave, I was so excited. I literally ran to my car. I called Mark and told him I was going to go to his house. He was delighted. I then went to Subway, scarfed down a sandwich, guzzled a Dr. Pepper, and rushed to Mark's house. When I got there, we went down to his basement and I collapsed on one of the couches. We watched two Indiana Jones movies. It was pretty sweet. I was gone that entire day. I didn't want to go home, but my parents were like, "Where are you? Blah blah blah. Haven't seen you all day." I had to go home eventually. Sad day. My first day of school was scary. Just sayin'. Moving on; the next day I ended up picking up Mark from UVU 'cause he got out at three but wouldn't be home until five thirty 'cause of the bus. I couldn't wait that long. I was sick of being at home again. I accidentally drove all the way to Orem without my license Oops. I had Mark drive my car home. Ha ha. We went over to his house and I did homework while we watched 'A Hard Day's Night' and ate Wendys. That was a good day.

Okay; random tangent. Mark and I are going to get married. We're planning on Fall 2010... but even then it seems too far away. It's hard to wait! I'm sorry, but things are continually progressing. How long do you expect us to wait, people. Oh mai gosh. My mom wants me to go away for a while first. How on earth am I supposed to do that!? That costs way too much money, and I have to stay here to keep my scholarship. Bleh. This sucks.

I can't describe how much I love Mark. Like, when I"m not with him, I'm so sad times. It's a weird feeling. Like, right now I miss him so much. He's at church! I'm like, dying. Not really. The feeling keeps getting bigger and bigger. A lot of my friends don't really understand that, and I can't explain it.

I can't rant anymore. It's already taken me two days to get to this point. Plus, last night I went to Roxanna's house and ranted to her. She's a good listener. <3

Trek

I went on a pioneer trek this last week. The reason I went was not for my own benefit, but for the benefit of others. My previous trek experience had been a not so good one, so I wanted to see if I could at least make this one good for those in my own family. I was put in the Haderlie family. I can’t even begin to say how great they were to me. Ma and Pa Haderlie were amazing. I love them like my own parents. I miss my trek family, too.
Trek started out pretty rough for me. I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep the previous night, and I was having a hard time dealing with leaving and having no communication with the outside world. Still, the prospect of helping someone else have a good time was all too enticing. So, off I went. I ended up having a fantastic family and I had several opportunities to make trek a bit more memorable for a few people.
The memory I want to share is actually kind of different. On the second day I’d gotten extremely agonizing shin splints. Every step I took was extremely painful. I told my Ma and Pa, and they suggested I ask the nurse. I didn’t really want to because I’m not very good at asking for help. Well, the next day Sister Durtschi approached me and asked about my legs. Apparently my Pa had told her about my soreness. She didn’t know what to do, so she walked away. I figured I was a lost cause. However, she returned with President Butler and he asked me to sit down so that he could take care of my legs. He then had me take off my shoes and started to prod my feet and such, telling me the reason my shins hurt. I was a bit surprised at the help. I’m not used to being taken care of, so to speak. I felt like my own pain was nothing at all. Still, he took the time to tape up both my legs and make sure I was comfortable. I expressed my gratitude and then he left. I almost cried. I felt like a bother. I didn’t feel important enough to have been taken care of like that. I’d always put myself out there for others, but never really let myself be taken care of by them.
Later I realized something. A lot of people feel the same way about the Lord. They don’t feel worthy of his love or attention. Sometimes the smallest of needs seem unimportant, but they are still taken care of by Heavenly Father if only they ask. He loves all of us and wants us all to be happy. Nobody’s grievances are too small. I’m grateful for those little instances of the Lord’s compassion, and I’m very grateful for President Butler’s help.

Contemplation... death is hard.

I've been thinking a lot these past few days. I know Michael Jackson died a few days ago and that just sort of triggered a lot of brain activity within me. I ad to dust off the cobwebs in my head first. The gears are a bit rusty.

Smitkins tribute made me think a lot too. [link]

His death reminded me, and probably the whole world, that we are all delicate beings that could die any time. His passing was so sudden, it's shocking. I couldn't help but remember the film reels I watched on YouTube in relation to John Lennon's death. Every time someone that famous and influential dies the whole world feels a shock wave.

Whether you liked Michael Jackson or not, you can't help but remember that he was human too. He was preparing a comeback. He was working harder and harder to right his life. He, like most of us, was doing his best in this world... and then he was gone.

Michael Jackson changed the world, as did John Lennon, Buddy Holly, Elvis, and Jimmi Hendrix. They all died too young, but at least we can appreciate what they left behind. They spent their lives etching a new path in this world. We can't forget that. Ever.

I like all of those musicians songs. Not as much as others, but still. I then thought... what if Billy Joel Armstrong died? Or Enya? Or Paul McCartney? I would be extremely upset.

Death is a harsh reality.

So, for all those Michael Jackson fans out there, I am sorry. He did a great thing. He will be missed. At least we can be comforted to know that he's in a better place. :) <3

I love the world. ^_^

There's always something.

Okay, let me jsut say this. MY LIFE IS GREAT! I can't believe how well things are working out! It makes me so happy! I've got so much to look forward to. It's fantastic. :)

HOWEVER.

It seems there's always something wrong. Some aspect of my life has to be lame, no matter what. Right now that aspect would be... *drumroll*

WORK.

Thank you, thank you. *bows* I was promoted to manager a few months ago. I was so excited. More money, more respect, and more hours. So great, right? WRONG. One of the other managers had an aneurysm because of it. She started talking bad about me behind my back, complaining, and being a snob. She acted nice to me to my face, but that's it. Yeah, I hate hate hate this right now.

Tuesday was the last straw. She refused to work because I was going to be there. That pissed me off. So last night Nathan pushed me to confront her. I did. It was BAD. She shot me down, told me I was stupid and breaking the rules of management, stealing her hours, and driving people away.

What

the

hell.

It went on and on and I kept trying to defend myself but to no avail. She kept that smug, stern face of hers on and it BOTHERED ME. More than anything I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her! "Snap out of it!" GAHH!!!

I kept my cool and watched her leave. Once she was gone, I lost it. Nathan came in the dining room and comforted me. "You probably hate me for making you do that," he said. "I don't hate you," I said. "I just hate that I'm CRYING."

I then shaped up and put on my angry face. Anything to keep from crying. I closed up and left in a huff. I then sat in my car and cried my eyes out. I felt horrible. The girl had named names of people that hated me behind my back. That's half the staff. UGH.

I went home after I stopped crying. I then went to my mom's friend's house 'cause that's where she was and I told her what happened. Then I went home and asked Mark to come over. He stayed until one in the morning. It was nice. I felt better then... but I still feel horrible horrible. It's been a craptastic week involving work. I haven't gotten much sleep. Last night I took a sleeping pill and now I'm hung over. Yuck.

Monday night had some issues too. I don't want to go in to detail but I pretty much almost cried all night that time too. I hate crying.

Oh well. Life is still good. :)

Update on my everything.

So this week I'm graduating. I mean, technically I did graduate... but Friday is the FINAL DAY EVER OF HIGH SCHOOL-RELATED THINGS. Holy freaking crap and a half, kids. Holy crap.

It's like, "I'm so happy!" you know? No more school! And then... "I'm so... sad." Some of my friends are moving away. :( I dunno. When something like that ends it's an odd feeling. Such change is occurring.


My grandparents are in town. Hrm.

My grandma brought two boxes of records. TWO FULL BOXES of VINYL RECORDS. She said I could look through them and pick any I wanted! SO I looked through and found Simon and Garfunkle, Elvis, Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, The Beach Boys, and freaking MORE amazing records! I was like, HOLY CRAP! So happy!!!!

And then...

My mom walks in the room. "THOSE ARE THE RECORDS FROM MY CHILDHOOD!" *grabs them all* "You can't have them! They're mine!" And she was dead freaking serious. I tried to argue a little but she used the "that's not fair, Rebecca." trick. So I gave up and walked out of the room.

I feel upset and angry about it. My mom doesn't even have a record player, k. She'll never listen to them. She'll only HAVE them. Fiend. Now I want to run away to Salt Lake City to Randy's Records (coolest store ever) and blow all my money on vinyl. I am so mad.

GUH.


Heads up; I'm leaving the 26th and won't be back until June 1st. DISNEYLAND, HOLLYWOOD, UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND THE BEACH! WOOOOOOO!!!

Things with Mark are going well. :) He's a sweetheart.

Kaleb is a git.

That is all. :)

Mmm. Life.

I haven't updated since I posted about Mark. How silly.

Let me recap.

So my birthday occurred. I got an iPod touch from my parents. Two days later it stopped working. WHAT. So we sent it back and they replaced it. *grumbles to self*

ON my birthday, Megan, Kimi, and I went prom dress shopping in Provo. It was fun! It was snowing like madness but it was still great times. I enjoyed hanging with those two. Awh. Good times. :D

Prom rocked. Yes, I got asked. I thought I wouldn't. Haha. Yes. I had a great time with Jake. I pretty much didn't wear my shoes at all. Haha. Waste of money. Oh well. We went to the Planetarium and took epic pictures. Then we ate at... how do I spell it... Benihana. It was EPIC. I... made a horrible racist joke. Oops. The cook provoked me! How was I to resist? Haha. It was great. The dance was way fun, too. I think I looked smashing. Megan looked great too, as did Morgan. All was well.

So I've been seeing Mark A LOT in the past few weeks. At first it was the 'I'm not so sure about this person' approach. One night he and I talked for hours upon hours about life and stuff. It was great. He started telling me how amazing I was and that every time he saw me he thought I looked wonderful. *glee* Finally one night while watching 'Drop Dead Fred' at Nathan's, he held my hand. I was le happy. We talked more and more and got to know one another more and more. I started to really really really get attached to him. I started to want to see him. The last time that happened was with Kaleb (the git).

Sometimes when I get this close to a guy... I sort of fall back and take a look at the picture before me. I get a strange guilt inside of me because of my friends. I'm not saying it's their fault. I just hate when I'm happy and they're not. :( In the past (very distant past) old friends would shun me when I was happy. You know? If I had a guy, they would abandon me. Not a good situation to be in. So... I'm feeling concerned about this. It's so hard not to! I feel so bad, especially for one friend who recently was dumped. I feel sad for her always. When those things happen I wish there was something I could do to fix it.

So, I'm hesitant. Still, I enjoy being with Mark. Every opportunity I got I spent time with him. I still do. Today even. We ran errands together. Good times. :)

I met his family on Monday. They are AMAZING. Haha. His parents are hilarious, and so are his siblings! One of his sisters ignored me but what evs. She was busy with her boyfriend who looks like a jock and a half. He barely said anything the whole night. Hrm.

I started feeling more for Mark than I had ever felt for anybody. Strange feeling...

Last night on my way home from Megan's... I decided to stop at Maceys. It was almost time for Mark to get off of work. I waited patently outside until just before eleven. Then I went inside the store and sought him out. The look on his face when he saw me was of delight. It made me smile. He greeted me with "My night just got one hundred percent better! How are you?". When he punched out we went and talked in his car in the parking lot. He kept seeming like he wanted to say something... something important. I could tell. But, he didn't say it.

Finally I needed to get home. I have a curfew still. Hrm. He was heading to Nathan's, which is on the way to my house. I followed him on Hwy 6 for a ways before making a decision. I pulled up next to him when he parked and got out. He was surprised I'd followed. "Aren't you going to get in trouble?" he asked me. I told him I didn't care and that I had a question for him. "What would you say if I told you I loved you?" I asked. He smiled, slightly surprised, and pulled me close. "I'd have to say that I love you too," he said. "More than anything."

And that, my children, made my heart soar. He told me he'd been wanting to tell me for days, but he was afraid of my reaction. He is a timid guy sometimes, which I'm totally fine with. I couldnt' help but smile. Then... Nathan came outside. He automatically assumed we'd made out. Stupid Nathan.

He's the one that hooked up me and Mark. His fault! Haha. Nathan is amazing. XD Mark and I are official now. :) Life is good.

I must say... my life is falling in to place. I'm graduating in two weeks, I've got a scholarship at UVU, all my classes are signed up, I'm going on the senior trip, Alexis is coming, I'm going on trek, I've got Mark, I have a car finally, I'm making more money finally, and just... YAY! I could sing!!!!

The only thing being stupid right now is Kaleb. He keeps calling me! Git. GIT. Then his ex (or not ex... I have no idea) girlfriend started asking me why I won't talk to Kaleb. I told her to leave me alone. Guh. Stupid. I seriously dislike this girl, people. I always have.

So, that's my two cents for the hour. I need to get to bed. :)

Something new!

I have some awesome news to post about. Something that is bringing me joy.

Haha I typed this all out to Brittany on MSN. I'm gonna post it here.


This guy named Nathan (who is a cook at my work) and I were talking yesterday morning while we were both working. I told him how I haven't been doing much since I don't go to school and stuff. He asked if I've been dating. I said no. He said, "If I set you up on a date, would you go?" I said, "Depends." He said, "Okay, this guy named Mark is a returned missionary who's taller than you and is really funny." I said, "Splendid. Let's do it."

So!

I didn't want to go on a date date with him yet. I wanted to meet him. Nathan, Jamie (another cook. she's awesome), Mark, me, and this kid named Marshall went to Nathan's grandma's house to play ImagineIff. It was so much fun. Mark IS hilarious and he's cute, too. Anyway, Nathan put Ringo on the board for random reasons. Then when we were gonna use him for one of the cards, Marshall was like, "I don't know anything about the Beatles! How can I pick the best one about him? Who is this guy?" And then awesome Mark turned to him and said, "Dude! Haven't you ever seen their movies or heard their music? What's wrong with you?!"

It was like an explosion in my brain. I was like, "DUDE. This guy! He likes the Beatles! This just keeps getting better and better!"

He's taking me on a real date on Thursday. YAY!

Here Comes the Sun

I'm depressed, but I don't want to write about it.

I am grateful for the sunshine today, though. It's very heartwarming and nice. It makes me want to ride my bike. Ahhh.

I guess I'll post some random info about Beatleness since I'm soooo bored. Kthx.


John Lennon was pretty much as blind as a bat. However, like most people, he hated wearing his glasses. Paul McCartney recalls outings with John where he literally had to lead him by the shoulders to their seat and then point out who was around them so that John wasn't totally in the dark. John's first wife, Cynthia, said that she and he would take turns wearing their glasses on outings because they were both blind but both didn't want to look silly.
He didn't officially don his signature 'granny' glasses until 1967. In 1966 he was cast in a movie called 'How I Won The War'. Part of his ensemble was a pair of granny glasses. He ended up liking them, and that's where they came from.

Tada. Random fact. END.

Short entry

I feel upset, tired, lonely, single, unwanted, unappreciated, ignored, forgotten, and depressed.

Nobody's going to ask me to prom this year, just like last year. Especially since I graduated early. I'm out of everybody's mind.

I mean, I've been asked (duh) but the circumstances dictated that I was not going to have a good time with these people. I want someone that I know and am comfortable around to ask me if at all.

If I don't get asked, I'll get over it eventually. Prom isn't that much of a big deal.

"Do you like going to church?"

Last night I went to work. Before I did, I put on my CTR ring and my YW medallion. I hardly ever wear them. It had ben months since I'd put either of them on. Yet, that night I felt like I needed them. When I got to work, there was a new girl. My boss put me in charge of training her. I did as I was told.

The girl's name... well, we'll just call her Ellen. I don't want to name names, hokay? Hokay. So Ellen was a wise crack the whole time I was showing her around. It was funny. What ever. Turns out my co-worker (we will call her Jen) already knew Ellen. Then I realized that I knew her too, but from forever ago. Good times.

My boss went home, putting me in charge of closing up. When there was but an hour left before closing time, Ellen, Jen and I decided to sit down and chat a bit for the heck of it. Ellen started asking about mine and Jen's faith in the church. See, Ellen is a member... but she is super inactive. She goes to clubs, she drinks, she swears, all that jazz.

I gave solid answers. I know the church is true, I enjoy going to church, I go for myself. I can't think of a better place to be on a Sunday. Ever. Jen decided to give shaky answers. I gave her a look of dismay as she described her want to try wine and possibly get a tattoo. Jen is more of a good girl than I am. I think her problem is the fact that she was nazi Mormon parents. Rebellion is common. Still, I wanted to be out of that situation as fast as possible. It was dangerous for Jen. Her faith was being questioned at a bad time. Jen's been having a rough time lately... so yeah.

Ellen switched gears to homosexuality. The topic didn't surprise me since we have someone like that that works with us. Ellen asked me about my views on it a bit. I told her. I don't like it, I don't praise it, and I think it's wrong all together. However, I do not shun those who are that way. Hate the sin, love the sinner. I did move on to say that I thoght it was gross and blah blah blah. I called it a disease. Then, Ellen tried to get me to guess something. I had no idea what she was talking about. And then... Ellen revealed her true self. She thinks she's bisexual. Notice I use the word 'thinks'.

I felt like someone threw a ton of rocks at me at that point. I looked at Jen. She said, "I knew that! I just didn't want to say anything." I looked at Ellen. She said, "I just wanted to see your reaction and to see if you could guess." And then she laughed. I felt extremely dirty for some reason. I wanted to leave. I felt ashamed for saying such rude things, yet I felt good that I'd meant what I'd said.

Feeling desperate, I checked the time. It was two minutes until closing. "Time to unplug the sign!" I said, jumping up. "Jen, go teach Ellen how to close." When they were out of earshot and view, I leaned against the counter and put my face in my hands. My face was hot with shame and upsetness. I felt horrible inside. I felt like I'd been unfairly cornered. I hated it.

The rest of the night passed without awkwardness. I let them close in the back while I closed up the front, making sure the lights were off and such. Jen gave me a ride home. She immediately said that her faith in the church was shaky and unstable. She said she was unsure and that she envied my testimony. I didn't have much of a reply. I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying.

And I did cry, once I got home. I hugged my dad and told him and my mom about what had happened. They offered their usual advice. "Ask questions back. Corner her. Tell your boss if it gets out of hand." etc. Then, my mom told me that it was all going to be okay. Sometimes I don't believe it when she says that. But this time I felt it was. And it is. I'm glad I chose the right. It seems odd, but I feel like something told me to put on my CTR ring that night.

God has a plan for us. He knows when we are lost and confused. He knows when we are sad about our friends. He knows when we need him, and he is there for us. He loves us. He loves me. He gives us trials so that we may become stronger. He gives us diviersity so that we may find our way. Some of us start off on the wrong path, whether it's our doing or not. Some of us find our way through friends and family. He gives us hope. He gave us this earth. He is our Heavenly Father, whether we all know it or not.

I am a child of God.

French fries, please.

Guh. I'm so freaking tired. It's been a long week, kids. A looooooong week.

I'm trying to save money for stuff. Like, stuff I freaking need. I need personal items, hair things, clothes, a new swim suit, shoes, contacts, and some other stuff that I can't think of right now because I'm so tired.

Today while I was being lazy before work my sister came home crying. I asked her what was up. Turns out her friend didn't invite her to her birthday party. I was like, "WHAT?!" And she was crying and I hugged her and was like, "Okay, we're gonna have our own party. CAKE TIME." And then my weird hyperness engaged. She said, "A Beatles party?" I said, "HUZZAH." So she was Ringo and I was John and I tied a sash around my head and wore my John Lennon glasses. She wore my Ringo hat and her sunglasses and a tie and it was epic. We invited over her two friends that are boys and they were George and Paul. We we went outside and ate sandwiches and cheetos, listened to the Beatles, and played Badminton. It was sweet.

There's crap going on in my ward always. So many people dislike my family. I hate it so much. They're so judgemental. I can't stand it. They spread rumors and act lame and such. People my sister's age are so rude to her. I HATE IT. SO much.

Then a girl from my work called and said I needed to go in early. I was sad, and I went to work and was there from five to ten. I made sixty dollars. Not bad I guess. I ended up closing. It took forever so I had my mom come chill with me at the resteraunt. She told me that my dad is angry because we're dead broke and what not. Great.

I watched Yes Man last night. Omgee good movie. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Uhm... I dunno what else. I'm kinda bleh right now. I can't wait to go to church tomorrow. I have no idea why. Probably because I'm gonna take a fifty year long nap once it's over. I love sleep. Mmm.

My life in a bucket.

So I'm going on the senior trip. Yay Disneyland again! I'm super excitedpants.

On a more lame note, the guy that has been begging me to go to prom with him is still begging me to go to prom with him. His girlfriend broke up with him last night so today he called me and was like, "I don't have a girlfriend now. So, let's still go to prom!" I, being mental enough to NOT want to call him back, told him no over Facebook. I'm so evil, using such a low form of communication. He didn't take it well. So his ex girlfriend contacted me and asked me why I won't go with him. I was like, 'fricking leave me alone.' But, I told her anyway so that she wouldn't keep bugging me about it. She's so stupid. It's like he can't fight his own battles.

I've been promoted to manager at my work. Well, turns out the other two managers didn't know about this and are now confused and slightly angry. Why are they angry? I have no idea. There are three people that have worked there longer than me. Two are managers, and one is not. The one that is nota manager is a B****. End of story. She's always hated me, and I hate working with her! Whenever I have to work with her I want to crawl in a corner and die. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than work with her, for serious. But, I need all the money I can get.

I've started drawing for money. I told myself I'd never do that. It's stressful and takes time. Not to mention the stress behind making the customer happy. Every time I draw something for someone I freak out and hope they like it. I don't take rejection very well. Criticism is hard for me, too. I recently tried out a Steampunk drawing. Someone on Sheezyart decided to write me a novel response on all the things I did wrong. I thanked her for the tips and secretly wished she would die. I'm not going to be a great artist, nor am I going to study art. I hate criticism, and I hate when people tell me how to do things. That's how I've always been. Whenever my mom says something about my drawings I feel horrible inside. She's an artist. I am not.

I feel guilty about going on the senior trip. My parents keep pushing me about saving for a car. My thinking is that I'm going to regret not going. I'm not going to be young forever. I swear I'm going to get married sometime in the next three years. I can seeeeee it happening. It scares me a little. I really want to travel, and this trip is as cheap as it gets. Plus my parents FREAK whenver I go somewhere. A 'school trip' seems better to them. Although... I just realized that my dad doesn't know I'm going on this trip... oh crap. Now I have to tell him. He is not going to be happy. Well, too bad. I'm going no matter what. I'm going to be eighteen on April fifteenth. So help me I will go on that trip even if it kills me.

There's more, but my fingers are super cold. I can't type anymore.

Goodnight.

LAME day. LAME.

I effed my iPod. Yeah, I took it to work like I usually do and I knocked it off the shelf and it hit the floor. It seemed fine for a bit after that, but then it freaked out.

My dad had a look at it. He told me how it is.

It is dead.

My 80 gig $200 iPod is dead.

Great.

I know it sounds lame-o, but I cried about it. My dad got it for me for Christmas. That's a lot of money to spend, you know? I feel HORRIBLE. Plus, it's my iPod! No more listening to music while driving or working or drawing. I can't afford an iPod. I can't even afford a car ever. I only have like, $475 in the bank. Ugh.

I ended up only having one table while at work. They tipped me three dollars. WOOPDEEFREAKINGDO. AUGH I HATE PEOPLE.

I did basically nothing today. There's a lot I want to do, but I have no motivation. I did draw a neat picture thank goodness. I was beginning to think I'd never draw again. Bleh. I hate days like this. The weather got me down majorly. I kept wanting to hang out with somebody but I didn't want to make the effort. Plus I'm an emotional cow that's bloated and wants chocolate. *le sigh*

I got asked to prom by this kid... who I liked, but then he chose a different girl over me. He still likes me, according to him. I have one word for him. "DOUCHE." He asked me to prom. PROM, PEOPLE. He asked me five months ago. FIVE. He kept reminding me about it. Finally on Thursday I called him and told him to come to where I work. So he did, as he always does what I say (pansie). I told him what was what. He tried to change my mind. I got sick of it and sent him home. He called me later that night saying he and his girl friend (he says they're not dating. BULL.) are taking a break from each other and blah blah blah. "Every time I'm not with her, I think of you." What am I? Intermission?! I said no still.

Okay so now there's some kid who I've known for like, fifty million years. Actually, six years. Apparently he's had a crush on me since forver and he finally spilled his guts to me about it. "When you left SF, I was heart broken." How sweet. Still, no. He's a nerd and he even told me about some stuff he's done. Yeah, no. He wanted to ask me to prom, too. I thought it would be okay to go with him until I found out about more stuff he's done. Ding. "No thanks."

I had another 'I miss my dog' attack. Poor Wilbur. A few days ago I was in the backyard with Runner when I noticed Wilbur's dog house. I started crying. I couldn't stop for the longest time. Geez. I'm crying about my DOG for crap's sake. I miss him so freaking much. My little Weebur-sneebur.

I guess that's all for now. Laterz.

Hrm.

I'm starting a blog of my 'life' instead of using it for fun stuff. Well, I'll post fun stuff too. Huzzah.

I'll start with the random.

Bad day. I have cramps like a hammer on my gut. BLEH. They started at work yesterday. And the night before that, I stayed up until FOUR. FOUR, PEOPLE. Four. Yeah. Not smart.

So recently I got in this... what you call it? It wasn't a fight... it was like... a 'I-must-stand-up-for-my-friend-therefore-I'm-going-to-chew-out-a-freshman-over-the-internet' type of thing. That whole deal made me feel 95% good and 5% bad. I always feel a little guilt chewing someone out, even if the absolutely deserved it, which she 95% did.

On another topic, I got promoted at my workjob. Ahh. I feel awesome. I get paid more and I get to boss people around.

Uhh... so 'Hold Me Tight' is going to end... eventually... I haven't decided when. I started chapter 31. I'm starting to not enjoy writing it. I mean I do, but I don't, ya know? I still love the story, don't get me wrong. I'm very proud of it. We'll see what happens. I wish people would do fan art of it. That would bring joy to my life.

My new story is making me super happy. It's much different from 'Hold Me Tight'. I hope people like it. I won't release any of it until 'Hold Me Tight' is finished. I won't even tell you the title. Ohhhh burn. :P

I stopped drinking Coke (okay, soda in general). SHOCKER. Thursday was my first day off it. I wanted to shoot myself in the head. Guh. See, Coke makes acne and also makes me FAT and also makes me not sleep at night because of caffeine. Leaders in my church advise against it to begin with. They don't say, "DON'T DRINK STUFF WITH CAFFIENE." They basically just say it's not good for you. And, they're right. Bleh. I also stopped drinking it because I gained two pounds. Hrm...

I MISS DISNEYLAND. A few days ago I had this sudden URGE to go! I miss it muchly so muchly! I had so much fun when I was there. :( I missssssssss it. I waaaaaaaant it. Ahhgasdlfjalkajsfjal. No, I'm not a Disney freak. I just miss the park. It's so fun and so good. I love Space Mountain and the Indiana Jones ride the most.

And... that is all. Have a nice day. :)

Beatles Stockings

About a year ago, I was surfing the web when I came across the most peculiar Beatle memorabilia.

Yup, I see it too. Beatle stockings.

The nylons were produced under license from The Beatles in 1963 by Ballito.


So my question is; did people actually wear these? If you look all over the internet, people are selling these in mint condition. So... they bought them, but didn't wear them. I can see that happening. If I were a crazy teenager in the 60s, I'd buy everything Beatles, useless or not.

Running price? Mint condition comes to about $250. ;)

Mmm... fashion... Who DOESN'T want the Beatles faces all over their legs?

The First Entry

It's official. I've started a blog. What's it gonna be based off of? The Beatles, of course! I'll include other things, too... tee hee.




And... that's all for now.