There's always something.

Okay, let me jsut say this. MY LIFE IS GREAT! I can't believe how well things are working out! It makes me so happy! I've got so much to look forward to. It's fantastic. :)

HOWEVER.

It seems there's always something wrong. Some aspect of my life has to be lame, no matter what. Right now that aspect would be... *drumroll*

WORK.

Thank you, thank you. *bows* I was promoted to manager a few months ago. I was so excited. More money, more respect, and more hours. So great, right? WRONG. One of the other managers had an aneurysm because of it. She started talking bad about me behind my back, complaining, and being a snob. She acted nice to me to my face, but that's it. Yeah, I hate hate hate this right now.

Tuesday was the last straw. She refused to work because I was going to be there. That pissed me off. So last night Nathan pushed me to confront her. I did. It was BAD. She shot me down, told me I was stupid and breaking the rules of management, stealing her hours, and driving people away.

What

the

hell.

It went on and on and I kept trying to defend myself but to no avail. She kept that smug, stern face of hers on and it BOTHERED ME. More than anything I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her! "Snap out of it!" GAHH!!!

I kept my cool and watched her leave. Once she was gone, I lost it. Nathan came in the dining room and comforted me. "You probably hate me for making you do that," he said. "I don't hate you," I said. "I just hate that I'm CRYING."

I then shaped up and put on my angry face. Anything to keep from crying. I closed up and left in a huff. I then sat in my car and cried my eyes out. I felt horrible. The girl had named names of people that hated me behind my back. That's half the staff. UGH.

I went home after I stopped crying. I then went to my mom's friend's house 'cause that's where she was and I told her what happened. Then I went home and asked Mark to come over. He stayed until one in the morning. It was nice. I felt better then... but I still feel horrible horrible. It's been a craptastic week involving work. I haven't gotten much sleep. Last night I took a sleeping pill and now I'm hung over. Yuck.

Monday night had some issues too. I don't want to go in to detail but I pretty much almost cried all night that time too. I hate crying.

Oh well. Life is still good. :)

Mmm. Life.

I haven't updated since I posted about Mark. How silly.

Let me recap.

So my birthday occurred. I got an iPod touch from my parents. Two days later it stopped working. WHAT. So we sent it back and they replaced it. *grumbles to self*

ON my birthday, Megan, Kimi, and I went prom dress shopping in Provo. It was fun! It was snowing like madness but it was still great times. I enjoyed hanging with those two. Awh. Good times. :D

Prom rocked. Yes, I got asked. I thought I wouldn't. Haha. Yes. I had a great time with Jake. I pretty much didn't wear my shoes at all. Haha. Waste of money. Oh well. We went to the Planetarium and took epic pictures. Then we ate at... how do I spell it... Benihana. It was EPIC. I... made a horrible racist joke. Oops. The cook provoked me! How was I to resist? Haha. It was great. The dance was way fun, too. I think I looked smashing. Megan looked great too, as did Morgan. All was well.

So I've been seeing Mark A LOT in the past few weeks. At first it was the 'I'm not so sure about this person' approach. One night he and I talked for hours upon hours about life and stuff. It was great. He started telling me how amazing I was and that every time he saw me he thought I looked wonderful. *glee* Finally one night while watching 'Drop Dead Fred' at Nathan's, he held my hand. I was le happy. We talked more and more and got to know one another more and more. I started to really really really get attached to him. I started to want to see him. The last time that happened was with Kaleb (the git).

Sometimes when I get this close to a guy... I sort of fall back and take a look at the picture before me. I get a strange guilt inside of me because of my friends. I'm not saying it's their fault. I just hate when I'm happy and they're not. :( In the past (very distant past) old friends would shun me when I was happy. You know? If I had a guy, they would abandon me. Not a good situation to be in. So... I'm feeling concerned about this. It's so hard not to! I feel so bad, especially for one friend who recently was dumped. I feel sad for her always. When those things happen I wish there was something I could do to fix it.

So, I'm hesitant. Still, I enjoy being with Mark. Every opportunity I got I spent time with him. I still do. Today even. We ran errands together. Good times. :)

I met his family on Monday. They are AMAZING. Haha. His parents are hilarious, and so are his siblings! One of his sisters ignored me but what evs. She was busy with her boyfriend who looks like a jock and a half. He barely said anything the whole night. Hrm.

I started feeling more for Mark than I had ever felt for anybody. Strange feeling...

Last night on my way home from Megan's... I decided to stop at Maceys. It was almost time for Mark to get off of work. I waited patently outside until just before eleven. Then I went inside the store and sought him out. The look on his face when he saw me was of delight. It made me smile. He greeted me with "My night just got one hundred percent better! How are you?". When he punched out we went and talked in his car in the parking lot. He kept seeming like he wanted to say something... something important. I could tell. But, he didn't say it.

Finally I needed to get home. I have a curfew still. Hrm. He was heading to Nathan's, which is on the way to my house. I followed him on Hwy 6 for a ways before making a decision. I pulled up next to him when he parked and got out. He was surprised I'd followed. "Aren't you going to get in trouble?" he asked me. I told him I didn't care and that I had a question for him. "What would you say if I told you I loved you?" I asked. He smiled, slightly surprised, and pulled me close. "I'd have to say that I love you too," he said. "More than anything."

And that, my children, made my heart soar. He told me he'd been wanting to tell me for days, but he was afraid of my reaction. He is a timid guy sometimes, which I'm totally fine with. I couldnt' help but smile. Then... Nathan came outside. He automatically assumed we'd made out. Stupid Nathan.

He's the one that hooked up me and Mark. His fault! Haha. Nathan is amazing. XD Mark and I are official now. :) Life is good.

I must say... my life is falling in to place. I'm graduating in two weeks, I've got a scholarship at UVU, all my classes are signed up, I'm going on the senior trip, Alexis is coming, I'm going on trek, I've got Mark, I have a car finally, I'm making more money finally, and just... YAY! I could sing!!!!

The only thing being stupid right now is Kaleb. He keeps calling me! Git. GIT. Then his ex (or not ex... I have no idea) girlfriend started asking me why I won't talk to Kaleb. I told her to leave me alone. Guh. Stupid. I seriously dislike this girl, people. I always have.

So, that's my two cents for the hour. I need to get to bed. :)

"Do you like going to church?"

Last night I went to work. Before I did, I put on my CTR ring and my YW medallion. I hardly ever wear them. It had ben months since I'd put either of them on. Yet, that night I felt like I needed them. When I got to work, there was a new girl. My boss put me in charge of training her. I did as I was told.

The girl's name... well, we'll just call her Ellen. I don't want to name names, hokay? Hokay. So Ellen was a wise crack the whole time I was showing her around. It was funny. What ever. Turns out my co-worker (we will call her Jen) already knew Ellen. Then I realized that I knew her too, but from forever ago. Good times.

My boss went home, putting me in charge of closing up. When there was but an hour left before closing time, Ellen, Jen and I decided to sit down and chat a bit for the heck of it. Ellen started asking about mine and Jen's faith in the church. See, Ellen is a member... but she is super inactive. She goes to clubs, she drinks, she swears, all that jazz.

I gave solid answers. I know the church is true, I enjoy going to church, I go for myself. I can't think of a better place to be on a Sunday. Ever. Jen decided to give shaky answers. I gave her a look of dismay as she described her want to try wine and possibly get a tattoo. Jen is more of a good girl than I am. I think her problem is the fact that she was nazi Mormon parents. Rebellion is common. Still, I wanted to be out of that situation as fast as possible. It was dangerous for Jen. Her faith was being questioned at a bad time. Jen's been having a rough time lately... so yeah.

Ellen switched gears to homosexuality. The topic didn't surprise me since we have someone like that that works with us. Ellen asked me about my views on it a bit. I told her. I don't like it, I don't praise it, and I think it's wrong all together. However, I do not shun those who are that way. Hate the sin, love the sinner. I did move on to say that I thoght it was gross and blah blah blah. I called it a disease. Then, Ellen tried to get me to guess something. I had no idea what she was talking about. And then... Ellen revealed her true self. She thinks she's bisexual. Notice I use the word 'thinks'.

I felt like someone threw a ton of rocks at me at that point. I looked at Jen. She said, "I knew that! I just didn't want to say anything." I looked at Ellen. She said, "I just wanted to see your reaction and to see if you could guess." And then she laughed. I felt extremely dirty for some reason. I wanted to leave. I felt ashamed for saying such rude things, yet I felt good that I'd meant what I'd said.

Feeling desperate, I checked the time. It was two minutes until closing. "Time to unplug the sign!" I said, jumping up. "Jen, go teach Ellen how to close." When they were out of earshot and view, I leaned against the counter and put my face in my hands. My face was hot with shame and upsetness. I felt horrible inside. I felt like I'd been unfairly cornered. I hated it.

The rest of the night passed without awkwardness. I let them close in the back while I closed up the front, making sure the lights were off and such. Jen gave me a ride home. She immediately said that her faith in the church was shaky and unstable. She said she was unsure and that she envied my testimony. I didn't have much of a reply. I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying.

And I did cry, once I got home. I hugged my dad and told him and my mom about what had happened. They offered their usual advice. "Ask questions back. Corner her. Tell your boss if it gets out of hand." etc. Then, my mom told me that it was all going to be okay. Sometimes I don't believe it when she says that. But this time I felt it was. And it is. I'm glad I chose the right. It seems odd, but I feel like something told me to put on my CTR ring that night.

God has a plan for us. He knows when we are lost and confused. He knows when we are sad about our friends. He knows when we need him, and he is there for us. He loves us. He loves me. He gives us trials so that we may become stronger. He gives us diviersity so that we may find our way. Some of us start off on the wrong path, whether it's our doing or not. Some of us find our way through friends and family. He gives us hope. He gave us this earth. He is our Heavenly Father, whether we all know it or not.

I am a child of God.

My life in a bucket.

So I'm going on the senior trip. Yay Disneyland again! I'm super excitedpants.

On a more lame note, the guy that has been begging me to go to prom with him is still begging me to go to prom with him. His girlfriend broke up with him last night so today he called me and was like, "I don't have a girlfriend now. So, let's still go to prom!" I, being mental enough to NOT want to call him back, told him no over Facebook. I'm so evil, using such a low form of communication. He didn't take it well. So his ex girlfriend contacted me and asked me why I won't go with him. I was like, 'fricking leave me alone.' But, I told her anyway so that she wouldn't keep bugging me about it. She's so stupid. It's like he can't fight his own battles.

I've been promoted to manager at my work. Well, turns out the other two managers didn't know about this and are now confused and slightly angry. Why are they angry? I have no idea. There are three people that have worked there longer than me. Two are managers, and one is not. The one that is nota manager is a B****. End of story. She's always hated me, and I hate working with her! Whenever I have to work with her I want to crawl in a corner and die. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than work with her, for serious. But, I need all the money I can get.

I've started drawing for money. I told myself I'd never do that. It's stressful and takes time. Not to mention the stress behind making the customer happy. Every time I draw something for someone I freak out and hope they like it. I don't take rejection very well. Criticism is hard for me, too. I recently tried out a Steampunk drawing. Someone on Sheezyart decided to write me a novel response on all the things I did wrong. I thanked her for the tips and secretly wished she would die. I'm not going to be a great artist, nor am I going to study art. I hate criticism, and I hate when people tell me how to do things. That's how I've always been. Whenever my mom says something about my drawings I feel horrible inside. She's an artist. I am not.

I feel guilty about going on the senior trip. My parents keep pushing me about saving for a car. My thinking is that I'm going to regret not going. I'm not going to be young forever. I swear I'm going to get married sometime in the next three years. I can seeeeee it happening. It scares me a little. I really want to travel, and this trip is as cheap as it gets. Plus my parents FREAK whenver I go somewhere. A 'school trip' seems better to them. Although... I just realized that my dad doesn't know I'm going on this trip... oh crap. Now I have to tell him. He is not going to be happy. Well, too bad. I'm going no matter what. I'm going to be eighteen on April fifteenth. So help me I will go on that trip even if it kills me.

There's more, but my fingers are super cold. I can't type anymore.

Goodnight.

LAME day. LAME.

I effed my iPod. Yeah, I took it to work like I usually do and I knocked it off the shelf and it hit the floor. It seemed fine for a bit after that, but then it freaked out.

My dad had a look at it. He told me how it is.

It is dead.

My 80 gig $200 iPod is dead.

Great.

I know it sounds lame-o, but I cried about it. My dad got it for me for Christmas. That's a lot of money to spend, you know? I feel HORRIBLE. Plus, it's my iPod! No more listening to music while driving or working or drawing. I can't afford an iPod. I can't even afford a car ever. I only have like, $475 in the bank. Ugh.

I ended up only having one table while at work. They tipped me three dollars. WOOPDEEFREAKINGDO. AUGH I HATE PEOPLE.

I did basically nothing today. There's a lot I want to do, but I have no motivation. I did draw a neat picture thank goodness. I was beginning to think I'd never draw again. Bleh. I hate days like this. The weather got me down majorly. I kept wanting to hang out with somebody but I didn't want to make the effort. Plus I'm an emotional cow that's bloated and wants chocolate. *le sigh*

I got asked to prom by this kid... who I liked, but then he chose a different girl over me. He still likes me, according to him. I have one word for him. "DOUCHE." He asked me to prom. PROM, PEOPLE. He asked me five months ago. FIVE. He kept reminding me about it. Finally on Thursday I called him and told him to come to where I work. So he did, as he always does what I say (pansie). I told him what was what. He tried to change my mind. I got sick of it and sent him home. He called me later that night saying he and his girl friend (he says they're not dating. BULL.) are taking a break from each other and blah blah blah. "Every time I'm not with her, I think of you." What am I? Intermission?! I said no still.

Okay so now there's some kid who I've known for like, fifty million years. Actually, six years. Apparently he's had a crush on me since forver and he finally spilled his guts to me about it. "When you left SF, I was heart broken." How sweet. Still, no. He's a nerd and he even told me about some stuff he's done. Yeah, no. He wanted to ask me to prom, too. I thought it would be okay to go with him until I found out about more stuff he's done. Ding. "No thanks."

I had another 'I miss my dog' attack. Poor Wilbur. A few days ago I was in the backyard with Runner when I noticed Wilbur's dog house. I started crying. I couldn't stop for the longest time. Geez. I'm crying about my DOG for crap's sake. I miss him so freaking much. My little Weebur-sneebur.

I guess that's all for now. Laterz.

Hrm.

I'm starting a blog of my 'life' instead of using it for fun stuff. Well, I'll post fun stuff too. Huzzah.

I'll start with the random.

Bad day. I have cramps like a hammer on my gut. BLEH. They started at work yesterday. And the night before that, I stayed up until FOUR. FOUR, PEOPLE. Four. Yeah. Not smart.

So recently I got in this... what you call it? It wasn't a fight... it was like... a 'I-must-stand-up-for-my-friend-therefore-I'm-going-to-chew-out-a-freshman-over-the-internet' type of thing. That whole deal made me feel 95% good and 5% bad. I always feel a little guilt chewing someone out, even if the absolutely deserved it, which she 95% did.

On another topic, I got promoted at my workjob. Ahh. I feel awesome. I get paid more and I get to boss people around.

Uhh... so 'Hold Me Tight' is going to end... eventually... I haven't decided when. I started chapter 31. I'm starting to not enjoy writing it. I mean I do, but I don't, ya know? I still love the story, don't get me wrong. I'm very proud of it. We'll see what happens. I wish people would do fan art of it. That would bring joy to my life.

My new story is making me super happy. It's much different from 'Hold Me Tight'. I hope people like it. I won't release any of it until 'Hold Me Tight' is finished. I won't even tell you the title. Ohhhh burn. :P

I stopped drinking Coke (okay, soda in general). SHOCKER. Thursday was my first day off it. I wanted to shoot myself in the head. Guh. See, Coke makes acne and also makes me FAT and also makes me not sleep at night because of caffeine. Leaders in my church advise against it to begin with. They don't say, "DON'T DRINK STUFF WITH CAFFIENE." They basically just say it's not good for you. And, they're right. Bleh. I also stopped drinking it because I gained two pounds. Hrm...

I MISS DISNEYLAND. A few days ago I had this sudden URGE to go! I miss it muchly so muchly! I had so much fun when I was there. :( I missssssssss it. I waaaaaaaant it. Ahhgasdlfjalkajsfjal. No, I'm not a Disney freak. I just miss the park. It's so fun and so good. I love Space Mountain and the Indiana Jones ride the most.

And... that is all. Have a nice day. :)