Make Me Smile

Brittany asked me why I don't update my blog. I have no answer. Yes I do. I'm lazy. Ha ha.

Okay. An update. <3 Sooooo I went to Vegas with Jade, Kimi, and my mom. It was AWESOME. We saw Cirque du Soleil! The Beatles! LOVE! Omgee it was fantastic! I want to see it again! Oh snap. Uh... hmm. What else has been happening. Well, my aunt Tracy has breast cancer. I don't know how to feel about it. I guess I still don't believe that she does. I haven't seen her since my brother got married over two years ago. I don't know what it's like over in Texas. This whole ordeal has been making my mom act odd. She's upset all the time, and I don't blame her. But... I just can't put up with that. It's making her act odd. She keeps being critical of me and then having issues with her friends and all this junk. It's driving me up a wall. She's basically my problem right now. I love my mom to bits, I really do. That's why I can't really complain. I understand where she's coming from and what's going on. I just can't deal with it. I have a lot going on and a lot of things are changing in my life. So, in order to not freak out at my mom, I spend a lot of time away from home. Thursday I started school at UVU. I was so nervous. I was right to be. I went to school at eight. Walking through the halls was scary! There are so many people there. Augh. I felt so self conscious. I wanted to run away. At least I had Brittany to text. She kept me sane. I found my class and went in and sat down. Once class got started I was alright. It's a familiar element to me, especially when the teacher/professor/instructor/whatever makes everybody laugh. I loved that. Sadly, once I left class, I was back in to awkwardness. I ran to my next class and sat down, hoping my next teacher/professor/instructor/whatever would be nice and funny as well. Yup, he was. I was alright once again. Then, class ended and I had an hour to kill. I also had no food, and was too self conscious to buy anything. I ended up going outside and calling Mark 'cause I was a little freaked out. We talked the entire time. I missed him a ton. Blah. After that I had a math class. Scary scary class. My teacher person is a little scary. After that class, I had a head ache. It was probably from being hungry. I then had to trek across three parking lots and two roads to the Education Building. That class was awesome. My teacher is awesome. This lady that sat by me is awesome. It's all just awesome. When it was time to leave, I was so excited. I literally ran to my car. I called Mark and told him I was going to go to his house. He was delighted. I then went to Subway, scarfed down a sandwich, guzzled a Dr. Pepper, and rushed to Mark's house. When I got there, we went down to his basement and I collapsed on one of the couches. We watched two Indiana Jones movies. It was pretty sweet. I was gone that entire day. I didn't want to go home, but my parents were like, "Where are you? Blah blah blah. Haven't seen you all day." I had to go home eventually. Sad day. My first day of school was scary. Just sayin'. Moving on; the next day I ended up picking up Mark from UVU 'cause he got out at three but wouldn't be home until five thirty 'cause of the bus. I couldn't wait that long. I was sick of being at home again. I accidentally drove all the way to Orem without my license Oops. I had Mark drive my car home. Ha ha. We went over to his house and I did homework while we watched 'A Hard Day's Night' and ate Wendys. That was a good day.

Okay; random tangent. Mark and I are going to get married. We're planning on Fall 2010... but even then it seems too far away. It's hard to wait! I'm sorry, but things are continually progressing. How long do you expect us to wait, people. Oh mai gosh. My mom wants me to go away for a while first. How on earth am I supposed to do that!? That costs way too much money, and I have to stay here to keep my scholarship. Bleh. This sucks.

I can't describe how much I love Mark. Like, when I"m not with him, I'm so sad times. It's a weird feeling. Like, right now I miss him so much. He's at church! I'm like, dying. Not really. The feeling keeps getting bigger and bigger. A lot of my friends don't really understand that, and I can't explain it.

I can't rant anymore. It's already taken me two days to get to this point. Plus, last night I went to Roxanna's house and ranted to her. She's a good listener. <3

Trek

I went on a pioneer trek this last week. The reason I went was not for my own benefit, but for the benefit of others. My previous trek experience had been a not so good one, so I wanted to see if I could at least make this one good for those in my own family. I was put in the Haderlie family. I can’t even begin to say how great they were to me. Ma and Pa Haderlie were amazing. I love them like my own parents. I miss my trek family, too.
Trek started out pretty rough for me. I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep the previous night, and I was having a hard time dealing with leaving and having no communication with the outside world. Still, the prospect of helping someone else have a good time was all too enticing. So, off I went. I ended up having a fantastic family and I had several opportunities to make trek a bit more memorable for a few people.
The memory I want to share is actually kind of different. On the second day I’d gotten extremely agonizing shin splints. Every step I took was extremely painful. I told my Ma and Pa, and they suggested I ask the nurse. I didn’t really want to because I’m not very good at asking for help. Well, the next day Sister Durtschi approached me and asked about my legs. Apparently my Pa had told her about my soreness. She didn’t know what to do, so she walked away. I figured I was a lost cause. However, she returned with President Butler and he asked me to sit down so that he could take care of my legs. He then had me take off my shoes and started to prod my feet and such, telling me the reason my shins hurt. I was a bit surprised at the help. I’m not used to being taken care of, so to speak. I felt like my own pain was nothing at all. Still, he took the time to tape up both my legs and make sure I was comfortable. I expressed my gratitude and then he left. I almost cried. I felt like a bother. I didn’t feel important enough to have been taken care of like that. I’d always put myself out there for others, but never really let myself be taken care of by them.
Later I realized something. A lot of people feel the same way about the Lord. They don’t feel worthy of his love or attention. Sometimes the smallest of needs seem unimportant, but they are still taken care of by Heavenly Father if only they ask. He loves all of us and wants us all to be happy. Nobody’s grievances are too small. I’m grateful for those little instances of the Lord’s compassion, and I’m very grateful for President Butler’s help.

Contemplation... death is hard.

I've been thinking a lot these past few days. I know Michael Jackson died a few days ago and that just sort of triggered a lot of brain activity within me. I ad to dust off the cobwebs in my head first. The gears are a bit rusty.

Smitkins tribute made me think a lot too. [link]

His death reminded me, and probably the whole world, that we are all delicate beings that could die any time. His passing was so sudden, it's shocking. I couldn't help but remember the film reels I watched on YouTube in relation to John Lennon's death. Every time someone that famous and influential dies the whole world feels a shock wave.

Whether you liked Michael Jackson or not, you can't help but remember that he was human too. He was preparing a comeback. He was working harder and harder to right his life. He, like most of us, was doing his best in this world... and then he was gone.

Michael Jackson changed the world, as did John Lennon, Buddy Holly, Elvis, and Jimmi Hendrix. They all died too young, but at least we can appreciate what they left behind. They spent their lives etching a new path in this world. We can't forget that. Ever.

I like all of those musicians songs. Not as much as others, but still. I then thought... what if Billy Joel Armstrong died? Or Enya? Or Paul McCartney? I would be extremely upset.

Death is a harsh reality.

So, for all those Michael Jackson fans out there, I am sorry. He did a great thing. He will be missed. At least we can be comforted to know that he's in a better place. :) <3

I love the world. ^_^

There's always something.

Okay, let me jsut say this. MY LIFE IS GREAT! I can't believe how well things are working out! It makes me so happy! I've got so much to look forward to. It's fantastic. :)

HOWEVER.

It seems there's always something wrong. Some aspect of my life has to be lame, no matter what. Right now that aspect would be... *drumroll*

WORK.

Thank you, thank you. *bows* I was promoted to manager a few months ago. I was so excited. More money, more respect, and more hours. So great, right? WRONG. One of the other managers had an aneurysm because of it. She started talking bad about me behind my back, complaining, and being a snob. She acted nice to me to my face, but that's it. Yeah, I hate hate hate this right now.

Tuesday was the last straw. She refused to work because I was going to be there. That pissed me off. So last night Nathan pushed me to confront her. I did. It was BAD. She shot me down, told me I was stupid and breaking the rules of management, stealing her hours, and driving people away.

What

the

hell.

It went on and on and I kept trying to defend myself but to no avail. She kept that smug, stern face of hers on and it BOTHERED ME. More than anything I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her! "Snap out of it!" GAHH!!!

I kept my cool and watched her leave. Once she was gone, I lost it. Nathan came in the dining room and comforted me. "You probably hate me for making you do that," he said. "I don't hate you," I said. "I just hate that I'm CRYING."

I then shaped up and put on my angry face. Anything to keep from crying. I closed up and left in a huff. I then sat in my car and cried my eyes out. I felt horrible. The girl had named names of people that hated me behind my back. That's half the staff. UGH.

I went home after I stopped crying. I then went to my mom's friend's house 'cause that's where she was and I told her what happened. Then I went home and asked Mark to come over. He stayed until one in the morning. It was nice. I felt better then... but I still feel horrible horrible. It's been a craptastic week involving work. I haven't gotten much sleep. Last night I took a sleeping pill and now I'm hung over. Yuck.

Monday night had some issues too. I don't want to go in to detail but I pretty much almost cried all night that time too. I hate crying.

Oh well. Life is still good. :)

Update on my everything.

So this week I'm graduating. I mean, technically I did graduate... but Friday is the FINAL DAY EVER OF HIGH SCHOOL-RELATED THINGS. Holy freaking crap and a half, kids. Holy crap.

It's like, "I'm so happy!" you know? No more school! And then... "I'm so... sad." Some of my friends are moving away. :( I dunno. When something like that ends it's an odd feeling. Such change is occurring.


My grandparents are in town. Hrm.

My grandma brought two boxes of records. TWO FULL BOXES of VINYL RECORDS. She said I could look through them and pick any I wanted! SO I looked through and found Simon and Garfunkle, Elvis, Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, The Beach Boys, and freaking MORE amazing records! I was like, HOLY CRAP! So happy!!!!

And then...

My mom walks in the room. "THOSE ARE THE RECORDS FROM MY CHILDHOOD!" *grabs them all* "You can't have them! They're mine!" And she was dead freaking serious. I tried to argue a little but she used the "that's not fair, Rebecca." trick. So I gave up and walked out of the room.

I feel upset and angry about it. My mom doesn't even have a record player, k. She'll never listen to them. She'll only HAVE them. Fiend. Now I want to run away to Salt Lake City to Randy's Records (coolest store ever) and blow all my money on vinyl. I am so mad.

GUH.


Heads up; I'm leaving the 26th and won't be back until June 1st. DISNEYLAND, HOLLYWOOD, UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND THE BEACH! WOOOOOOO!!!

Things with Mark are going well. :) He's a sweetheart.

Kaleb is a git.

That is all. :)

Mmm. Life.

I haven't updated since I posted about Mark. How silly.

Let me recap.

So my birthday occurred. I got an iPod touch from my parents. Two days later it stopped working. WHAT. So we sent it back and they replaced it. *grumbles to self*

ON my birthday, Megan, Kimi, and I went prom dress shopping in Provo. It was fun! It was snowing like madness but it was still great times. I enjoyed hanging with those two. Awh. Good times. :D

Prom rocked. Yes, I got asked. I thought I wouldn't. Haha. Yes. I had a great time with Jake. I pretty much didn't wear my shoes at all. Haha. Waste of money. Oh well. We went to the Planetarium and took epic pictures. Then we ate at... how do I spell it... Benihana. It was EPIC. I... made a horrible racist joke. Oops. The cook provoked me! How was I to resist? Haha. It was great. The dance was way fun, too. I think I looked smashing. Megan looked great too, as did Morgan. All was well.

So I've been seeing Mark A LOT in the past few weeks. At first it was the 'I'm not so sure about this person' approach. One night he and I talked for hours upon hours about life and stuff. It was great. He started telling me how amazing I was and that every time he saw me he thought I looked wonderful. *glee* Finally one night while watching 'Drop Dead Fred' at Nathan's, he held my hand. I was le happy. We talked more and more and got to know one another more and more. I started to really really really get attached to him. I started to want to see him. The last time that happened was with Kaleb (the git).

Sometimes when I get this close to a guy... I sort of fall back and take a look at the picture before me. I get a strange guilt inside of me because of my friends. I'm not saying it's their fault. I just hate when I'm happy and they're not. :( In the past (very distant past) old friends would shun me when I was happy. You know? If I had a guy, they would abandon me. Not a good situation to be in. So... I'm feeling concerned about this. It's so hard not to! I feel so bad, especially for one friend who recently was dumped. I feel sad for her always. When those things happen I wish there was something I could do to fix it.

So, I'm hesitant. Still, I enjoy being with Mark. Every opportunity I got I spent time with him. I still do. Today even. We ran errands together. Good times. :)

I met his family on Monday. They are AMAZING. Haha. His parents are hilarious, and so are his siblings! One of his sisters ignored me but what evs. She was busy with her boyfriend who looks like a jock and a half. He barely said anything the whole night. Hrm.

I started feeling more for Mark than I had ever felt for anybody. Strange feeling...

Last night on my way home from Megan's... I decided to stop at Maceys. It was almost time for Mark to get off of work. I waited patently outside until just before eleven. Then I went inside the store and sought him out. The look on his face when he saw me was of delight. It made me smile. He greeted me with "My night just got one hundred percent better! How are you?". When he punched out we went and talked in his car in the parking lot. He kept seeming like he wanted to say something... something important. I could tell. But, he didn't say it.

Finally I needed to get home. I have a curfew still. Hrm. He was heading to Nathan's, which is on the way to my house. I followed him on Hwy 6 for a ways before making a decision. I pulled up next to him when he parked and got out. He was surprised I'd followed. "Aren't you going to get in trouble?" he asked me. I told him I didn't care and that I had a question for him. "What would you say if I told you I loved you?" I asked. He smiled, slightly surprised, and pulled me close. "I'd have to say that I love you too," he said. "More than anything."

And that, my children, made my heart soar. He told me he'd been wanting to tell me for days, but he was afraid of my reaction. He is a timid guy sometimes, which I'm totally fine with. I couldnt' help but smile. Then... Nathan came outside. He automatically assumed we'd made out. Stupid Nathan.

He's the one that hooked up me and Mark. His fault! Haha. Nathan is amazing. XD Mark and I are official now. :) Life is good.

I must say... my life is falling in to place. I'm graduating in two weeks, I've got a scholarship at UVU, all my classes are signed up, I'm going on the senior trip, Alexis is coming, I'm going on trek, I've got Mark, I have a car finally, I'm making more money finally, and just... YAY! I could sing!!!!

The only thing being stupid right now is Kaleb. He keeps calling me! Git. GIT. Then his ex (or not ex... I have no idea) girlfriend started asking me why I won't talk to Kaleb. I told her to leave me alone. Guh. Stupid. I seriously dislike this girl, people. I always have.

So, that's my two cents for the hour. I need to get to bed. :)

Something new!

I have some awesome news to post about. Something that is bringing me joy.

Haha I typed this all out to Brittany on MSN. I'm gonna post it here.


This guy named Nathan (who is a cook at my work) and I were talking yesterday morning while we were both working. I told him how I haven't been doing much since I don't go to school and stuff. He asked if I've been dating. I said no. He said, "If I set you up on a date, would you go?" I said, "Depends." He said, "Okay, this guy named Mark is a returned missionary who's taller than you and is really funny." I said, "Splendid. Let's do it."

So!

I didn't want to go on a date date with him yet. I wanted to meet him. Nathan, Jamie (another cook. she's awesome), Mark, me, and this kid named Marshall went to Nathan's grandma's house to play ImagineIff. It was so much fun. Mark IS hilarious and he's cute, too. Anyway, Nathan put Ringo on the board for random reasons. Then when we were gonna use him for one of the cards, Marshall was like, "I don't know anything about the Beatles! How can I pick the best one about him? Who is this guy?" And then awesome Mark turned to him and said, "Dude! Haven't you ever seen their movies or heard their music? What's wrong with you?!"

It was like an explosion in my brain. I was like, "DUDE. This guy! He likes the Beatles! This just keeps getting better and better!"

He's taking me on a real date on Thursday. YAY!