Here Comes the Sun

I'm depressed, but I don't want to write about it.

I am grateful for the sunshine today, though. It's very heartwarming and nice. It makes me want to ride my bike. Ahhh.

I guess I'll post some random info about Beatleness since I'm soooo bored. Kthx.


John Lennon was pretty much as blind as a bat. However, like most people, he hated wearing his glasses. Paul McCartney recalls outings with John where he literally had to lead him by the shoulders to their seat and then point out who was around them so that John wasn't totally in the dark. John's first wife, Cynthia, said that she and he would take turns wearing their glasses on outings because they were both blind but both didn't want to look silly.
He didn't officially don his signature 'granny' glasses until 1967. In 1966 he was cast in a movie called 'How I Won The War'. Part of his ensemble was a pair of granny glasses. He ended up liking them, and that's where they came from.

Tada. Random fact. END.

Short entry

I feel upset, tired, lonely, single, unwanted, unappreciated, ignored, forgotten, and depressed.

Nobody's going to ask me to prom this year, just like last year. Especially since I graduated early. I'm out of everybody's mind.

I mean, I've been asked (duh) but the circumstances dictated that I was not going to have a good time with these people. I want someone that I know and am comfortable around to ask me if at all.

If I don't get asked, I'll get over it eventually. Prom isn't that much of a big deal.

"Do you like going to church?"

Last night I went to work. Before I did, I put on my CTR ring and my YW medallion. I hardly ever wear them. It had ben months since I'd put either of them on. Yet, that night I felt like I needed them. When I got to work, there was a new girl. My boss put me in charge of training her. I did as I was told.

The girl's name... well, we'll just call her Ellen. I don't want to name names, hokay? Hokay. So Ellen was a wise crack the whole time I was showing her around. It was funny. What ever. Turns out my co-worker (we will call her Jen) already knew Ellen. Then I realized that I knew her too, but from forever ago. Good times.

My boss went home, putting me in charge of closing up. When there was but an hour left before closing time, Ellen, Jen and I decided to sit down and chat a bit for the heck of it. Ellen started asking about mine and Jen's faith in the church. See, Ellen is a member... but she is super inactive. She goes to clubs, she drinks, she swears, all that jazz.

I gave solid answers. I know the church is true, I enjoy going to church, I go for myself. I can't think of a better place to be on a Sunday. Ever. Jen decided to give shaky answers. I gave her a look of dismay as she described her want to try wine and possibly get a tattoo. Jen is more of a good girl than I am. I think her problem is the fact that she was nazi Mormon parents. Rebellion is common. Still, I wanted to be out of that situation as fast as possible. It was dangerous for Jen. Her faith was being questioned at a bad time. Jen's been having a rough time lately... so yeah.

Ellen switched gears to homosexuality. The topic didn't surprise me since we have someone like that that works with us. Ellen asked me about my views on it a bit. I told her. I don't like it, I don't praise it, and I think it's wrong all together. However, I do not shun those who are that way. Hate the sin, love the sinner. I did move on to say that I thoght it was gross and blah blah blah. I called it a disease. Then, Ellen tried to get me to guess something. I had no idea what she was talking about. And then... Ellen revealed her true self. She thinks she's bisexual. Notice I use the word 'thinks'.

I felt like someone threw a ton of rocks at me at that point. I looked at Jen. She said, "I knew that! I just didn't want to say anything." I looked at Ellen. She said, "I just wanted to see your reaction and to see if you could guess." And then she laughed. I felt extremely dirty for some reason. I wanted to leave. I felt ashamed for saying such rude things, yet I felt good that I'd meant what I'd said.

Feeling desperate, I checked the time. It was two minutes until closing. "Time to unplug the sign!" I said, jumping up. "Jen, go teach Ellen how to close." When they were out of earshot and view, I leaned against the counter and put my face in my hands. My face was hot with shame and upsetness. I felt horrible inside. I felt like I'd been unfairly cornered. I hated it.

The rest of the night passed without awkwardness. I let them close in the back while I closed up the front, making sure the lights were off and such. Jen gave me a ride home. She immediately said that her faith in the church was shaky and unstable. She said she was unsure and that she envied my testimony. I didn't have much of a reply. I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying.

And I did cry, once I got home. I hugged my dad and told him and my mom about what had happened. They offered their usual advice. "Ask questions back. Corner her. Tell your boss if it gets out of hand." etc. Then, my mom told me that it was all going to be okay. Sometimes I don't believe it when she says that. But this time I felt it was. And it is. I'm glad I chose the right. It seems odd, but I feel like something told me to put on my CTR ring that night.

God has a plan for us. He knows when we are lost and confused. He knows when we are sad about our friends. He knows when we need him, and he is there for us. He loves us. He loves me. He gives us trials so that we may become stronger. He gives us diviersity so that we may find our way. Some of us start off on the wrong path, whether it's our doing or not. Some of us find our way through friends and family. He gives us hope. He gave us this earth. He is our Heavenly Father, whether we all know it or not.

I am a child of God.

French fries, please.

Guh. I'm so freaking tired. It's been a long week, kids. A looooooong week.

I'm trying to save money for stuff. Like, stuff I freaking need. I need personal items, hair things, clothes, a new swim suit, shoes, contacts, and some other stuff that I can't think of right now because I'm so tired.

Today while I was being lazy before work my sister came home crying. I asked her what was up. Turns out her friend didn't invite her to her birthday party. I was like, "WHAT?!" And she was crying and I hugged her and was like, "Okay, we're gonna have our own party. CAKE TIME." And then my weird hyperness engaged. She said, "A Beatles party?" I said, "HUZZAH." So she was Ringo and I was John and I tied a sash around my head and wore my John Lennon glasses. She wore my Ringo hat and her sunglasses and a tie and it was epic. We invited over her two friends that are boys and they were George and Paul. We we went outside and ate sandwiches and cheetos, listened to the Beatles, and played Badminton. It was sweet.

There's crap going on in my ward always. So many people dislike my family. I hate it so much. They're so judgemental. I can't stand it. They spread rumors and act lame and such. People my sister's age are so rude to her. I HATE IT. SO much.

Then a girl from my work called and said I needed to go in early. I was sad, and I went to work and was there from five to ten. I made sixty dollars. Not bad I guess. I ended up closing. It took forever so I had my mom come chill with me at the resteraunt. She told me that my dad is angry because we're dead broke and what not. Great.

I watched Yes Man last night. Omgee good movie. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Uhm... I dunno what else. I'm kinda bleh right now. I can't wait to go to church tomorrow. I have no idea why. Probably because I'm gonna take a fifty year long nap once it's over. I love sleep. Mmm.

My life in a bucket.

So I'm going on the senior trip. Yay Disneyland again! I'm super excitedpants.

On a more lame note, the guy that has been begging me to go to prom with him is still begging me to go to prom with him. His girlfriend broke up with him last night so today he called me and was like, "I don't have a girlfriend now. So, let's still go to prom!" I, being mental enough to NOT want to call him back, told him no over Facebook. I'm so evil, using such a low form of communication. He didn't take it well. So his ex girlfriend contacted me and asked me why I won't go with him. I was like, 'fricking leave me alone.' But, I told her anyway so that she wouldn't keep bugging me about it. She's so stupid. It's like he can't fight his own battles.

I've been promoted to manager at my work. Well, turns out the other two managers didn't know about this and are now confused and slightly angry. Why are they angry? I have no idea. There are three people that have worked there longer than me. Two are managers, and one is not. The one that is nota manager is a B****. End of story. She's always hated me, and I hate working with her! Whenever I have to work with her I want to crawl in a corner and die. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than work with her, for serious. But, I need all the money I can get.

I've started drawing for money. I told myself I'd never do that. It's stressful and takes time. Not to mention the stress behind making the customer happy. Every time I draw something for someone I freak out and hope they like it. I don't take rejection very well. Criticism is hard for me, too. I recently tried out a Steampunk drawing. Someone on Sheezyart decided to write me a novel response on all the things I did wrong. I thanked her for the tips and secretly wished she would die. I'm not going to be a great artist, nor am I going to study art. I hate criticism, and I hate when people tell me how to do things. That's how I've always been. Whenever my mom says something about my drawings I feel horrible inside. She's an artist. I am not.

I feel guilty about going on the senior trip. My parents keep pushing me about saving for a car. My thinking is that I'm going to regret not going. I'm not going to be young forever. I swear I'm going to get married sometime in the next three years. I can seeeeee it happening. It scares me a little. I really want to travel, and this trip is as cheap as it gets. Plus my parents FREAK whenver I go somewhere. A 'school trip' seems better to them. Although... I just realized that my dad doesn't know I'm going on this trip... oh crap. Now I have to tell him. He is not going to be happy. Well, too bad. I'm going no matter what. I'm going to be eighteen on April fifteenth. So help me I will go on that trip even if it kills me.

There's more, but my fingers are super cold. I can't type anymore.

Goodnight.

LAME day. LAME.

I effed my iPod. Yeah, I took it to work like I usually do and I knocked it off the shelf and it hit the floor. It seemed fine for a bit after that, but then it freaked out.

My dad had a look at it. He told me how it is.

It is dead.

My 80 gig $200 iPod is dead.

Great.

I know it sounds lame-o, but I cried about it. My dad got it for me for Christmas. That's a lot of money to spend, you know? I feel HORRIBLE. Plus, it's my iPod! No more listening to music while driving or working or drawing. I can't afford an iPod. I can't even afford a car ever. I only have like, $475 in the bank. Ugh.

I ended up only having one table while at work. They tipped me three dollars. WOOPDEEFREAKINGDO. AUGH I HATE PEOPLE.

I did basically nothing today. There's a lot I want to do, but I have no motivation. I did draw a neat picture thank goodness. I was beginning to think I'd never draw again. Bleh. I hate days like this. The weather got me down majorly. I kept wanting to hang out with somebody but I didn't want to make the effort. Plus I'm an emotional cow that's bloated and wants chocolate. *le sigh*

I got asked to prom by this kid... who I liked, but then he chose a different girl over me. He still likes me, according to him. I have one word for him. "DOUCHE." He asked me to prom. PROM, PEOPLE. He asked me five months ago. FIVE. He kept reminding me about it. Finally on Thursday I called him and told him to come to where I work. So he did, as he always does what I say (pansie). I told him what was what. He tried to change my mind. I got sick of it and sent him home. He called me later that night saying he and his girl friend (he says they're not dating. BULL.) are taking a break from each other and blah blah blah. "Every time I'm not with her, I think of you." What am I? Intermission?! I said no still.

Okay so now there's some kid who I've known for like, fifty million years. Actually, six years. Apparently he's had a crush on me since forver and he finally spilled his guts to me about it. "When you left SF, I was heart broken." How sweet. Still, no. He's a nerd and he even told me about some stuff he's done. Yeah, no. He wanted to ask me to prom, too. I thought it would be okay to go with him until I found out about more stuff he's done. Ding. "No thanks."

I had another 'I miss my dog' attack. Poor Wilbur. A few days ago I was in the backyard with Runner when I noticed Wilbur's dog house. I started crying. I couldn't stop for the longest time. Geez. I'm crying about my DOG for crap's sake. I miss him so freaking much. My little Weebur-sneebur.

I guess that's all for now. Laterz.

Hrm.

I'm starting a blog of my 'life' instead of using it for fun stuff. Well, I'll post fun stuff too. Huzzah.

I'll start with the random.

Bad day. I have cramps like a hammer on my gut. BLEH. They started at work yesterday. And the night before that, I stayed up until FOUR. FOUR, PEOPLE. Four. Yeah. Not smart.

So recently I got in this... what you call it? It wasn't a fight... it was like... a 'I-must-stand-up-for-my-friend-therefore-I'm-going-to-chew-out-a-freshman-over-the-internet' type of thing. That whole deal made me feel 95% good and 5% bad. I always feel a little guilt chewing someone out, even if the absolutely deserved it, which she 95% did.

On another topic, I got promoted at my workjob. Ahh. I feel awesome. I get paid more and I get to boss people around.

Uhh... so 'Hold Me Tight' is going to end... eventually... I haven't decided when. I started chapter 31. I'm starting to not enjoy writing it. I mean I do, but I don't, ya know? I still love the story, don't get me wrong. I'm very proud of it. We'll see what happens. I wish people would do fan art of it. That would bring joy to my life.

My new story is making me super happy. It's much different from 'Hold Me Tight'. I hope people like it. I won't release any of it until 'Hold Me Tight' is finished. I won't even tell you the title. Ohhhh burn. :P

I stopped drinking Coke (okay, soda in general). SHOCKER. Thursday was my first day off it. I wanted to shoot myself in the head. Guh. See, Coke makes acne and also makes me FAT and also makes me not sleep at night because of caffeine. Leaders in my church advise against it to begin with. They don't say, "DON'T DRINK STUFF WITH CAFFIENE." They basically just say it's not good for you. And, they're right. Bleh. I also stopped drinking it because I gained two pounds. Hrm...

I MISS DISNEYLAND. A few days ago I had this sudden URGE to go! I miss it muchly so muchly! I had so much fun when I was there. :( I missssssssss it. I waaaaaaaant it. Ahhgasdlfjalkajsfjal. No, I'm not a Disney freak. I just miss the park. It's so fun and so good. I love Space Mountain and the Indiana Jones ride the most.

And... that is all. Have a nice day. :)